I am 9 years old. Metallica is blasting and I’m downstairs doing push-ups and squats with my dad. In between sets we are hitting the bag and I’m practicing martial arts. Little did I know this would set the tone for what I would do for the rest of my life… Yup, pushups and Metallica… all day, every day. Just kidding! My dad was coaching me and teaching me, but most importantly exposing me to a healthy lifestyle that would remain a common thread throughout my life!
( Pink Ranger at age 7, )
Growing up I continued to participate in Martial Arts earning a black-belt in Kung-fu. I absolutely loved it! I would enter competitions and upon arrival, learn that I was the only female in my division. This meant 1st place by default or entering the male division. I never wanted the trophy for sitting on the sidelines, so I always chose to compete and often walked away taking 1st or 2nd place. Any satisfaction or joy over this and my hard work was overshadowed by the complaints that followed every single time by parents who felt it was unfair that a female could enter and win the males competition. I never understood it but this was the first bias I experienced for being a woman in sport and fitness. I later quit.
High school would be the place where my love for fitness and health would flourish but what I didn’t know was that it would take enduring many, many struggles to get where I am today. I will preface this by saying that sharing this story isn’t the easiest, but it has made me who I am and life has turned out to be pretty damn good.
I entered high school and made the volleyball team. I was hitting the gym for weightlifting before school and would attend volleyball practice after. I loved it and made some awesome friends! I was a setter and a Libero- which basically meant digging up deep spikes as a defense specialist. Getting stronger helped me with volleyball, so I stuck with it. Weightlifting at school was an option but the Coach in there said the weight room was no place for a girl. So, I went to the local YMCA where I was able to lift, run, and feel free to do whatever I wanted. My parents were in the throes of divorce so the gym and friends became my escape.
Going through puberty and loving fitness, my body changed and took on a more shapely figure. I was working hard and instead of feeling proud, I was again made to feel out of place when I started getting comments made about my body. My girlfriends and I would be running the track and get all sorts of comments. It made me feel in the spotlight and I wanted out. I started internalizing the comments made by others and became extremely self-conscious of my body. One of my really good friends was in and out of the hospital for an eating disorder. While I had negative thoughts about my body and the instinct to restrict, watching my friend go through her struggles made me want to strive for strength and health.
There are moments in life that are monumental. In just one moment your life can be altered and the path you will take for the rest of your life forever changed. This moment for me occurred at my friend’s house one evening. Her older brother was home from college and had friends over for a party. I was assaulted. Life flipped upside down at that moment and I didn’t know where to go from there. Experiencing mass amounts of confusion and shame, it would take me over a decade to tell anyone. I look back and do not quite know how I got through that period of time in my life in a healthy way. I truly believe fitness saved me along with the mindset and idea of “one foot in front of the other”, small steps each day. That and puppy love.
(All the puppy love in highschool. These dogs got me through!)
Fitness provided a disciplined outlet that was far more powerful for me than anything else. The day after the assault occurred I put on my sneakers and went out for a run. My heart ached, my young mind was confused and everything felt dark and different. As I ran, I felt a release and an inner focus. I felt calm. I started reading everything I could get my hands on about fitness, nutrition, and psychology. I slowly increased my mileage and found relief in every run. Step by step, I worked my way up over the course of 2 years to running 20 miles and maintained strength through weightlifting. The more I learned, the more I was able to get physically stronger and my confidence and inner voice started to grow stronger too. I also started focusing more on self-defense instead of martial arts and would go on to create a self-defense program for women that I’ve taught at many colleges and organizations.
(Self Defense clinics)
I saw how powerful health could be, and also knew how delicate and fragile it could be too. I moved to Colorado for undergrad and studied in Exercise Physiology, Abnormal Psychology, and got a certificate in Peace & Conflict Resolution Studies. I had started dabbling in yoga and meditation in my senior year in high school and found myself drawn to learning about Eastern Religion and Mindfulness. This particular certificate focused on resolving peace and conflict within as a way to bring a better self to the world. This would also translate to larger-scale groups of people with the concept of non-violent or non-hostile communication and protest. I realized that our inner voice dictates our inner landscape. If you could apply these peace and non-conflict practices to two people interacting, then you should also be able to apply them to your sense of self, often your own worst critic. I applied these principles to myself and continued to heal. I then started applying these peace and conflict resolution theories to my personal training and coaching with women. Shortly after graduation, I found Crossfit which brought another element of joy and strength to my life. Ironically, my first ever CrossFit class was at Prototype back in 2014? It was awesome but I ended up signing up for a CrossFit gym in Worcester because of the commute. CrossFit created another happy place but this time with a community!
(Working out at CrossFit CenterMass, My first CrossFit community)
I realized I didn’t want to just help women with fitness or nutrition. I wanted to help with all aspects of health so applied to and started attending, UMASS Medical School. Guess what? I didn’t finish. I hated it. Western Medicine was far from my values and beliefs and I knew in my heart that I was in the wrong place. It is always hard to not follow through or to leave something you paid a lot of money for. Not to mention that my parents couldn’t understand why I would want to go back to being “just a trainer” instead. I realized that if I stayed I actually wasn’t following through on my life’s purpose. It took a little nudge from the universe for me to quit and reach this realization. I got an 86.9 GPA average and the necessary GPA was 87. Yup, they didn’t round up. I would have to repeat a semester or leave. I left and never looked back, but I did bring with me a lot of valuable education in anatomy and physiology in the context of disease. I then started taking graduate courses in Nutrition to further my education.
(The love of my life and I in Austin Texas)
Back to the fitness world, I went. Time passed and I was feeling great, working in corporate fitness and I met the man of my dreams, Greg. He has been a solid rock and my best friend. If you are reading this Greg, you mean so much to me and have made some of the most difficult times so much easier!
I went on to manage the campus gym and ran many health programs that made me fall in love with this field all over again. Life was good…Until it happened again. I was assaulted a second time in 2016. Talk about bad luck. This time I used self-defense and put an end to the situation before it escalated. While things could have been much worse, this was still traumatic and it dug up a lot of the trauma I pushed down in high school. I was diagnosed with PTSD.
I felt shattered once more but this time I chose to speak out. I entered a trauma program because I knew the silver lining of this was that I could learn, heal, and grow. I reported the situation thinking it was the right thing to do and it landed me in a 2-year court process with workplace retaliation. It was hell but I had a strong support network of family and friends. I had mindfulness practices already established and my health, nutrition, and exercise were so habitual that I was able to maintain them despite the struggles I had on a daily basis. Again, fitness and wellness to the rescue.
I’m not going to lie, this was so hard. This took courage. Every. Single. Damn. day. It took facing my fears, speaking out, leaning on the community, following through, having discipline, prioritizing recovery and so much more. I took it one day, one step at a time. I went on to speak at colleges and give self-defense seminars. I left my job and focused on my existing photography business and started another in fitness and nutrition. Within a week I had 53 clients. I knew that I never had to settle again and would never tolerate working in a community or workplace that didn’t align with my values or have my best interest in mind. Despite the odds, I faced these obstacles. I grew stronger and my love for myself grew too. I was empowered.
(This photo is a STOP5k I organized in 2017 for assault and harassment.)
(This is the self-defense clinic and seminar at WPI)
This is when Mike found me! He reached out to me and asked me to come in for an interview. Not going to lie, I almost ignored his e-mail because I was cautious and heartbroken from my previous work experiences. When I realized I had already worked out at Prototype before. I figured I would give it a shot. By the way, my first class of CrossFit ever at Prototype was with Brian. He showed us how to foam roll and then what felt like moments later we were right into the Girl WOD Karen. I think I died, lol. Call me crazy but I was hooked.
Anyways, flash forward to the interview process and Mike sent me a values form to fill out and had me identify my goals, values, etc. I had always heard companies say values were important but this was something I had never seen in practice before. My gut said lean in, go for it.
During my time at Prototype, Mike and the Team have made me feel at home. It wasn’t until I started working at CFP that I was able to feel safe in the workplace after 2 years of retaliation. I could breathe again. The trauma program I had started long ago shifted into part two “Survivor to Thriver” and focused on leadership in spaces of healing and growth/development. This taught me how to hold space for people experiencing trauma and also how to help them through it.
I remember sitting in my annual review with Mike back in January and we had a conversation about leadership and hesitation. He told me he never wanted me to feel like there was a ceiling for anything I dreamt of doing. No one had ever said that to me before and it really gave me the extra nudge I needed to see the bigger picture. I cannot thank Mike enough for the endless encouragement and support to try new ideas and create our ideal career.
Many of you do not know this but I graduated from the trauma program 2 weeks before COVID-hit. This program took hours every single week for the past few years so I was relieved to have more time on my hands and spent the quarantine focused on producing a holistic program for women’s fitness and health, Prototype Empowered. This program is fueled by everything I have gone through and learned and by all my female clients and their experiences. To all you ladies out there, thank you for inspiring me every day with your strength and vulnerability. I am humbled and appreciative of Mike for supporting these efforts. I am excited to help other women learn to love and understand themselves through a holistic approach to health and fitness. If you’re reading this, I hope you know that you are stronger and braver than you might think! You are capable of overcoming any obstacle put in front of you! Just remember small steps, one day at a time, one foot in front of the other.
